I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I'm at about main and main street
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
