Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
FUCK WHALES
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
