I can text with my tongue
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize