jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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