Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
