Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
