jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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