I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Randomize
