after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
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