I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
