Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
