So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize