Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
