i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
