do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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