Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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