So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
