I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
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