i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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