i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
