yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
