i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
