she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
