how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
