"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
