four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
