Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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