rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
