the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
