I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
