ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
