I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
