it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
last night I used snow as a chaser
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
