OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
