I want to walk on stilts...naked
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
