Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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