Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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