You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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