I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I understand Curling. That high.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
