I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
