1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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