Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize