i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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