I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
