Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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