i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize