we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Randomize
