Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
