I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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