hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
