i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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