God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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