hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
