Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I said "one day" and that day is not today
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
