go do what you do best...puke behind churches
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
So gin and wine won't be happening again
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
