the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
