I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
