His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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