I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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