Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
