at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
