I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
My breasts were aching with rage.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Randomize