no you cant smoke seaweed
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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