Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
We need to rekindle our bromance
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
