i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
