He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
