There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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