life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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