Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize