I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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