my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
