The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
