I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
