: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
