oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
