he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
