you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
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