i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
