Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
