this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
