okay pat passed out under dana's car
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize