About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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