my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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